Sensibilities
I've been parenting by myself, an infant and a toddler for barely a month now. And I could say the duty is rewarding though overly, undeniably, extremely taxing, it is.
I don't wanna sound like grumbling. Of course, I can never complain. As what the old folks say, you cannot delay or refuse motherhood once it is already there. I'm still in the adapting period of mothering two kids. Though I'm still in the process of getting use to it, I know, I'll get there in no time. However, it is not easily be done.
Few nights ago, Jett was wronged and I got angry. He wanted to make amends during sleepy time, by saying "I'm sorry Mommy," while weeping. I wanted to go up to his bed so he can say his sorry and kiss me like he usually does, but during the same time, baby Jedd was also wailing to feed. My initial reaction was to attend to both, which I realized right away, was not possible, coz I only have one body. Until I found myself sitting on a chair, also in tears. I was so frustrated with the fact, that why do mothers don't have two bodies or several bodies for every offspring they have. I wish I have two.
In all honesty, at times I feel, I wasn't good enough for my sons. That somehow, I am becoming an irresponsible Mom to one of them, coz I can no longer attend to "all" their needs, though Im a very hands-on Mom. I have a nanny who looks after our belongings, but when it comes to my children, I wanted to take charge of everything. From bathing, eating, changing, sleeping, everything. But I cannot do all those things simultaneously for my two children. I really have to have the wit to quantify my every minute with them.
Let me vent-out some more. My children's pedia is in St. Lukes, so every check-up we travel all the way from Marilao to Quezon City. I have no driver, so I drive. FYI, I'm exclusively breastfeeding, so everytime baby Jedd is in need to feed, I had to pull-over somewhere discreet, so I can breastfeed him. Which somehow, causes a delay for our travel.
And most of all, my greatest frustratation now, is, I can no longer play with my elder son outdoor because I'm tied up with my younger baby. Jett is an outdoor lover. But whenever he wants to play outside, and he sees I cannot come with him but the yaya, he chooses to stay here in the room watching cartoons. Sigh!
To hang in there, I just bear in mind and heart, that whenever I feel like reching the end of the rope, I just pull out some more strings of patience, and I'll be fine. Plus more love for the three boys (Honey, Jett and Jedd), more strength (to keep me going), and more prayers (Divine guidance).
I want things to work out for this family, so I promise to keep my best foot forward!
I don't wanna sound like grumbling. Of course, I can never complain. As what the old folks say, you cannot delay or refuse motherhood once it is already there. I'm still in the adapting period of mothering two kids. Though I'm still in the process of getting use to it, I know, I'll get there in no time. However, it is not easily be done.
Few nights ago, Jett was wronged and I got angry. He wanted to make amends during sleepy time, by saying "I'm sorry Mommy," while weeping. I wanted to go up to his bed so he can say his sorry and kiss me like he usually does, but during the same time, baby Jedd was also wailing to feed. My initial reaction was to attend to both, which I realized right away, was not possible, coz I only have one body. Until I found myself sitting on a chair, also in tears. I was so frustrated with the fact, that why do mothers don't have two bodies or several bodies for every offspring they have. I wish I have two.
In all honesty, at times I feel, I wasn't good enough for my sons. That somehow, I am becoming an irresponsible Mom to one of them, coz I can no longer attend to "all" their needs, though Im a very hands-on Mom. I have a nanny who looks after our belongings, but when it comes to my children, I wanted to take charge of everything. From bathing, eating, changing, sleeping, everything. But I cannot do all those things simultaneously for my two children. I really have to have the wit to quantify my every minute with them.
Let me vent-out some more. My children's pedia is in St. Lukes, so every check-up we travel all the way from Marilao to Quezon City. I have no driver, so I drive. FYI, I'm exclusively breastfeeding, so everytime baby Jedd is in need to feed, I had to pull-over somewhere discreet, so I can breastfeed him. Which somehow, causes a delay for our travel.
And most of all, my greatest frustratation now, is, I can no longer play with my elder son outdoor because I'm tied up with my younger baby. Jett is an outdoor lover. But whenever he wants to play outside, and he sees I cannot come with him but the yaya, he chooses to stay here in the room watching cartoons. Sigh!
To hang in there, I just bear in mind and heart, that whenever I feel like reching the end of the rope, I just pull out some more strings of patience, and I'll be fine. Plus more love for the three boys (Honey, Jett and Jedd), more strength (to keep me going), and more prayers (Divine guidance).
I want things to work out for this family, so I promise to keep my best foot forward!
cuddled @ 8:36 PM
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